High Standards - a good thing or a bad thing?

Let me put my stake in the ground ..... I have high standards.

Up until recently, I have rarely questionned that this is a good thing.  I have been challenged by others for sure, suggesting that I impose my standards on others but could rebuff this as I genuinely feel that I don't.  My standards are mine - and I use them to push myself to be the best that I can be.  Others have their own standards which either work for them or dont, but I see it as their responsibility to change them if the latter is true.

So in my mind, all was good when it came to me nurturing my little bag of standards - until last week!

I had an amazing opportunity to go out to the UAE to umpire the Intergulf Netball tournament as one of a team of 12.  The first few days went brilliantly - total harmony between a team of ladies who didn't know each other but the dynamics just seemed to click and all was great.  Until....

The last day was finals day and we were all given an opportunity to do a match on the show court.  I was selected to umpire with a lady I'd already done some matches with and we'd worked well as a team of 2 so I went on to court with a reasonable dose of confidence.  However, as the hooter went and the game started, it was like the woman became possessed!  It seemed that she was out to prove herself as the better umpire and quite frankly, stuff the team work, it was dog against dog!

Revert to standards - do I stick by my high ones or do I get my canines out and go into battle?

I confess - it was not an easy choice!  I did decide to stick to my standards and continued to umpire to the best of my ability and ignore her attempts to undermine me, but I came off court close to tears and feeling sick.  The little girl inside of me had suddenly taken control and was screaming, "It's not fair!"

And that's the thing with standards.  They serve a purpose but they also introduce the element of fairness.  When people do not adhere to your standards, it can feel that there has been an injustice served on you.

I had to take myself away, find solace in a can of diet coke and chocolate (no gin available sadly!) and dig deep to work out where I went from here.  Do I let my inner child continue to tantrum?  Do I get my inner parent out and go and challenge my co-umpire?  Do I allow my adult to just tell me "Hey, that's life, man up!"

Actually, I did none of those.  What I decided to take on board was that ultimately my standards worked for me.  The feedback I got was that I did umpire my half well and my name had been put forward to the umpire of the tournament.  By maintaining my standards, I could hold my head up and know that I treated my co-umpire well.  What I needed to learn was, that perhaps, whilst I didn't expect my colleague to adopt my standards, I did assume we shared the same ones - and it was that assumption that knocked me over.

So I am left with a slightly better understanding - a little bit stronger as we all tend to be after getting hurt in some way (what doesnt kill you.....) I have decided my standards do still serve me and whilst I am confident I am not imposing them on others, I am going to remember in the future, not to make assumptions that mine are shared by others too!  In the meantime, I can hold my head high and now that the trainers are off, get my high heels back on too :-) 

Do you have high standards?  Do you feel as if you get let down by others who don't share your standards?
I'd love to hear your story too so please tell me your experiences through the comments box below, I do love reading them 

Caroline x

Published by Caroline Cavanagh Clinical Hypnotherapist and author of Anxiety Alchemy. on |


RE: High Standards - a good thing or a bad thing?

I reckon she was jealous! Who wouldn’t be!!! This adulting business is tricky sometimes! Well done you though and glad you had a good time. Jo xxx
Commented by: Jo Parsons on Saturday 16th March 2019 12:27:14 PM

Comments form
Blog Comments