Wow, I never thought of it that way!

A client opened his eyes and looked at me.  His eyes watered up as he said, "I still wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me and actually I am just broken."

My response: "If that is the case, what have you got to lose?" At which point his body posture changed; he went from being all slumped over to sitting up more straight, head lifted up and his eyes widened, "Well nothing.  I hadn't thought of it like that."  And a few minutes later, we were talking about the next steps we could take.

And that was not the first time I had had an experience like this.  Just a few days earlier, I was working with a person who had created a belief that he was capable of becoming an abuser because he had been abused.  He has read that 99% of abusers had been abused and taking this as gospel, he was not able to fully enjoy being a parent as that ghost haunted him all the time.  

With him we explored a number of different angles - the evidence that proved he had no inclinations to harm his children in any way, the fact that statistics can be used to prove or disprove pretty much anything, but it was the fact that if 99% of abusers were abused, that meant that there were 1% who didn't go on to abuse.  That new angle allowed him to choose to be in that 1% - because if it was possible for some people to escape the abuse cycle, he could be part of that 1%.  Looking at things from a different angle changed his belief.

And this little technique of looking at things from a different perspective helped me this week too.

I have been trying to order a stone to mark my Mum's resting place - and it has proven to be a less than easy task.  I thought you could look through a catalogue, choose the style, stone, lettering and hey presto, all done.   Wrong, wrong wrong!  Different churchyards have different rules and the rules change so just because the style you like may be already in the graveyard, you can't put another one like it down now.   And then even though some stones are shown as available, when it comes to it, they are not recommended,  and so it goes on. 

So this week I was pulling my increasingly greying hair out and feeling very stressed about it all - until I decided to look at it in a different way - literally from a different angle......  I imagined Mum looking down on us from above and laughing.  She would not give a damn about what colour stone it was, what colour the lettering was in and I bet she is having a damned good giggle at us.  All she would want is for us to hold her in our hearts. (And I suspect she'd be quite peeved at us spending what this flippin' stone is going to cost anyway!)  And with those thoughts, the stress disappeared!

Looking at things from a different angle, a different perspective, introduces new information into the mind and with that, new options become available.  So if you are struggling with something, give this a go, or ask someone to help you as they may well see a perspective that you can't.  And if you would like my help to do this or perhaps you can relate to one of the stories above, then please get in touch in total confidence, I would love to hear from you.

What do you think about this technique? Please add your comments below, I love to read them.

Published by Caroline Cavanagh Clinical Hypnotherapist and author of Anxiety Alchemy. on |

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