When you see yourself in a different light - and don't like what you see!

I think it is fair to say that most of us have an image of ourselves that is different to the one that is reflected back to us in the mirror.

It may also be true for many, that how you think of yourself is different to how other people think of you.

This week I have had a massive inner turmoil when how I thought of myself, and the reality of what I was about to do were a world apart!


We received some wonderful news this week - something that I can't share with you just yet but will do soon!  This news is centered on my husband and he sees it as something the whole family have contributed to.  However, on hearing this news, whilst I was really, really pleased for him, there was a part of me that felt incredibly sad.

The reason; a large dose of 'Oh poor me' syndrome.  Or calling a spade a spade: Jealousy!

Now my perception of me is that I am a fairly generous person and do what I can to help others.  And then here was the me of the moment, with a distinct shade of green.  But then it got worse!

I advise many clients to avoid bottling things up as this creates a toxicity inside that is emotionally and mentally harmful.  So I took my own advice and told Nick that whilst I was pleased for him, his news had burst one of my bubbles and I was sad for me.

Guess what he latched on to?!

Rather than him expecting us to be cracking champagne and celebrating, we ended the evening both feeling low - and that person I looked at in the mirror that night was one that I really didn't like and I was left a bit floundering?  And to be honest, still is a little!

I still stand by my belief that bottling things up does not help you and that negativity will typically fester and come out in an uncontrolled way at some point in the future.  However, by following that belief, I had very much 'rained on Nick's parade' and massively dented my self image of doing my best to be a kind and helpful person and supportive wife - lose:lose all around - a place I always aim to avoid!

Words that often come out in my work room are, "You can't change the past, but you can learn from it."  I now ask myself, if time could be rewound and I knew then what I know now, would I have just bottled my sadness (and jealousy) and put on a facade for Nick or was being true to myself - and therefore him - the best way forward?

I am still pondering on that!

But what do you think?  What would you have done in this situation? 

Published by on |


RE: When you see yourself in a different light - and don't like what you see!

I would have been thrilled at Nick's success and feel that I had helped to contribute to this outcome. There appears to be so much hatred in the world I really enjoy being amongst fulfilled, happy people. I also feel a deep feeling of contentment and peace within myself.....
Commented by: Susan Lawson on Saturday 25th May 2019 11:57:22 AM

Comments form
Blog Comments