I was sitting looking out of a floor to ceiling window.  In my peripheral view, was Geoff's coffin and I could see the beautiful arrangement of flowers laying on top.  Outside, the colours on the leaves were stunning, the sunlight glistening off the dew.  Beside the cemetery was a golf course and every now and then, people in 'interesting' attire would wander pass in pursuit of their ball.

Despite being cold outside, the temperature was overly warm inside leading to a bit of a conundrum as I had dressed to prepare to be standing by an open grave!  Beside me was my 12 year old son who was holding my hand.  I think he knew I needed human contact more than holding my hand for his own comfort.  It hit me how much he had grown up recently - no longer was it a little hand but almost as big as my own.

The music I was hearing, whilst I had listened to numerous times as Nick was trying to decide on the best tunes, I really listened to for the first time and heard words I had not noticed before.  My daughter played a tune on her clarinet.  Again, I had heard her practise it numerous times but this time, I felt the notes and her sentiment in playing it.

I could relay most of the 50 minute service to you now.  I can recall many of the stories from the three brothers who spoke about their Dad.  In fact, the thing that is vaguest in my mind is the words of the poem I read myself!

Even as I write this, I am back there, reliving the laughter, feeling that lump in my throat again.  And you may be wondering why I would even want to relive that funeral.

And the answer is, it was not a conscious decision - at first!  I was gazing out of the window because I wanted to distract myself and 'be strong' - not allow the tears to flow just yet.  And without realising it, I became mindful - a word that seems to be banded about a lot as something 'new' and unique - but its really not!  I started to really notice the world I was in.  I started living in the moment.  And it was quite an experience!

Something I do often with clients is to get them to cycle through their senses one by one.  Once I had become consciously aware of how beautiful it was outside, I took my own medicine.  As my son took my hand, I 'tuned' into how his hand really felt against my skin.  I tuned into the temperature of the room.  As the music was being played, I closed my eyes to sharpen my hearing.

And what I have with me now, is a beautiful memory of a sad but equally wonderful service.  We cried, we laughed, we celebrated.  I even thought that this would be the sort of thing that I would love when it comes to my turn - and perhaps that is part of why I want to hold on to this memory so that I can recreate it one day in my own way.

The thing however that will stay with me is the impact of 'living in the moment'.  What I did for the hour was not hard, in fact quite the opposite.  So why dont we do it everyday, all of the time rather than be distracted by what has already past or what has not yet happened?

I am still a way away from that yet as things have kicked off again with Mum and I find myself looking forward again to what is on the horizon.  However, I make an effort everyday to just click into the now - be mindful.  For me, being outside is when I find it easiest.  The colours in the trees at the moment really are stunning.  The sounds of rustlings in the leaves on the ground - all things that have been there but I havent really taken notice of before because my 'mind' was elsewhere.

Alongside my imprinted memory of the funeral, I will also remember this as the event that reminded me that we have a lot to live for - 5 senses to experience life through and I am now working on using them to the full!  How about you?

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RE: Mindfulness

Caroline,This is beautiful&a strong reminder indeed to live in the moment :))
Commented by: Tracy on Sunday 19th November 2017 06:45:29 PM

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