Inside every storm cloud

Mum's terminal diagnosis at first felt like a massive great storm cloud had arrived on the horizon.  And even though it was still quite a distance away, it felt as if the rain was already hitting and would dampen every day between now and it's arrival.

So I decided to get my brolly out - give myself a bit of protection from this ominous cloud that one day would be over head. That 'brolly' took the form of writing as I knew through the work I do, keeping these thoughts and feelings inside would only start another storm brewing inside of me! So this blog was started and I put a few posts up on facebook - not something I use much personally.

The result was massive!

The first FB post was sent when we were at the hospital after being told that her treatment was being put on hold because it was leading to kidney failure.  I simple posted, "At Guildford hospital, I need a hug!"

Before I had even got back to the ward, the phone was pinging with 'hugs' and messages of love.  Over 90 messages came through in the next 24 hours and this one that brought tears:

Thinking of you dear friend - I am so sorry to hear your news. Your Mum is such a wonderful, positive, lovely & funny lady - much like yourself. I have very fond memories of her when we were little - she was always smiling, up-beat & positive

That post and the first newsletter I sent out which also linked to this blog, lead to so many messages of love from people I had lost contact with, even people I have never met. I felt so incredibly loved. So blessed.  I had no idea that from hiding from the storm cloud, I could experience such light!

And it didnt just help me.  I read this message and others out to Mum.  She was incredibly touched and I know for a while eased her sadness too.

So my learning this week is that there is always good to be found in even the worst scenarios - you just have to stop hiding.  I had no idea what response I would get from this blog - and part of me actually hoped that I would just write it and no-one would bother reading it!  However, just today, this came through too:

Thank you so much for your emails - keep them coming! I'm struggling too and they've helped me realise I'm not alone Š Keep trudging, the world needs your smile!

And I am smiling.  The pain is still raw but inside that storm cloud on the horizon, the silver lining is already relieving the pain. With every ying, there really is a yang!

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