How to build self esteem

I love hearing stories about people who would not listen to others - perhaps that is the rebel in me that is still running riot!

There are the great ones that many people are aware of: Christopher Columbus who would not accept that the world was flat, Roger Bannister who would not believe that it was impossible to run a sub 4 minute mile. 

Who would have believed 20 years ago that you could have your whole music collection in your pocket or call Australia for free!?

There is a small amount of the population for whom not listening to common beliefs is their job - we typically call them inventors!  But for the majority of us, common beliefs form boundaries and stepping over those boundaries can be really scary!

Here is a little story of my own.  

A lovely lady - let's call her Sophie - always listened to others.  Her daughter's ran rings around her, her boss took advantage, her ex-husband - well we won't go there!  What they said she had to do was gospel.  She believed that standing up for herself and doing what SHE wanted was impossible.  

Taking her from that belief to suddenly living a life of choice was a massive leap, so we had to break it down into smaller steps. The first one was looking at what other people did.  Did other people always jump when told?  Sophie  gave me examples of other people who just ignored the 'jump' call, leading her to reluctantly accept that it was possible to do that.  

Next came making it possible for HER to do it which involved again, some baby steps in experimenting with the word "NO!"  As her bank of experience in saying No (without the world stopping spinning ) grew, she started to accept that it was probable that she could live a life of choice and not be the puppet allowing everyone else to pull her strings.

Sophie's story has a happy ending.  From probable it was a really small step to be ABLE to do something that just a couple of months earlier she deemed impossible.  She now has a much stronger relationship with her daughters who are growing to respect her, she is thriving at her work and happily married.

So the morale of the story - if something feels impossible, it is often just a few small steps that can take you to able!

And if you want someone to be beside you when you take those steps, Id love to be that person.

Published by Caroline Cavanagh Clinical Hypnotherapist and author of Anxiety Alchemy. on |

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