It's so unfair! What to do when people wrong you

Stamping your feet like a toddler is not a pretty reaction to a sense of unjustice.  Fortunately I managed to avoid that this weekend however a pouty face and feeling of upset were very present after receiving a message that I felt was very unfair.  

At the end of last week I received a message that landed like a block of lead.  

My initial reaction was to sleep on it and not do that knee jerk reaction thing.  The next day I stuck my head in the sand about it all - but the thoughts managed to bury in and kept on spoiling the day and even woke me up during the night.

I am sure I am not the only person who likes to be treated fairly and my little challenge came from the fact that my 'fair' and the other person's 'fair' were not inline.  Somewhere down the line, my understanding of what had been agreed, and theirs parted company.  When this came to light, they inferred that their position had always been clear and I had not met my side of the bargain.  Despite, in my heart of hearts, believing I had done all that was asked, I offered to provide what they were expecting as a way of achieving what I always aim for; a win:win  - ie them happy with what they received and me knowing I had met someone's expectations.

However this offer was met with silence and so we have ended in a lose:lose scenario - the worst possible outcome.

And this has felt like a piece of sand stuck under your ring - it just rubs and rubs and becomes really sore.

So time for some first aid!  

#### happens!  Goal posts move, communications fail.  Blame however rarely solves the problem.  The first aid that worked for me was to be honest with myself - had I done everything with the best of intentions? 

And the answer - Yes!

And with that answer, the healing process could start.  Everything I was 'in charge of', I had done to the best of my ability.  What you can't control is how other people interpret that.

And this is the source of much anxiety - worrying how others may react when actually you have no control over that. 

The best approach is to do the best you can and in most situations, that is more than good enough.  If others' expectations were higher, well there was nothing more you could have done and in my books, that is not failure!

I admit I still feel a little tender about it however I also choose to take some learning from it, working out what I can do differently to notice if goal posts move or to make comms stronger and perhaps in some way, that will also make me a little bit better too! - So there is a win to be gained out of all of this.

If you are hurting in some way, be that feeling anxious or upset by a perceived injustice, then perhaps you might like to try this first aid and start your own healing process.   

What is making you feel sore at the moment?

Published by Caroline Cavanagh Clinical Hypnotherapist and author of Anxiety Alchemy. on |


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