When do you.....

.....throw in the towel?

It's a question I have asked myself A LOT recently.  I know I am not the only one who finds this time of year tough.  I love the sun and heat so the dropping temperatures, the shorter days, the dieing flowers result in me needing to dig deep and use all of the tools I teach others.  Add onto that a terminally ill Mum -  and I've been digging deeper!

Then I get the news, father-in-law has had a test and it's looking like stomach cancer.  Spade now in dire straights of running away!

He is 97 and a common response to "How are you Geoff?" is "I woke up, that was my first mistake today!"  I wonder if a part of him will actually welcome the diagnosis?  

So for Geoff, I feel sad.  The thing that is hurting far more though is seeing Nick's pain.  He has already lost his Mum and despite being an incredible man, when with his Dad, the boy in him comes out and that little boy is looking so lost.

I like to think I am good at what I do because I can empathise with my clients without taking on their pain and that helps me to be strong for them and guide them down a path to feeling better.  Now though, that professional barrier is not there.  He is my husband, his pain is my pain.  I can't guide as when it comes to terminal illness, frankly, I am still finding my own way!

The temptation to throw in the towel, crawl into a corner, wallow in self pity is actually bloody high!  

Yesterday I had a chat with a friend who was telling me about a workshop he'd been on and he'd made this quantum leap from talking from the head - saying what was expected - to talking from the heart.  Today I am talking to you from the heart but I am also going to listen to it.  My head is telling me all the things I NEED to hear, all the great and really powerful quotes that I love, all the techniques I know help you pick yourself up when you fall.  My heart is saying it's OK today to sit and watch crap TV for 5 hours, drink a vat of tea and just maybe, its OK to have a damned good cry.  Make space to let the pain out.

I know I won't throw in the towel but today, I am going to put it down. And that's OK.  Listening to your heart will rarely be something you regret!


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RE: When do you.....

Very moving and very obviously written from the heart. There is not much you can do when your husband's Dad is dying. Except be there. Thanks for sharing. I hope this makes it easier for somebody else reading to not throw in the towel but simply put it down for the day.
Commented by: Sherry Bevan on Friday 15th September 2017 03:13:49 PM

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